The Life of Josh

Well, it's been ages.  I've not really had a lot to write about that wouldn't make me out to be a completely obnoxious pain, so I figured why torture my friends with that?

This post is mostly social commentary, and about the things that are currently affecting me with regard to the USA and my life here.

( Continue, young padawan... )

Okay, that's me done.  Soapbox put away.  If you read it, thanks for taking the time.  If you didn't, no worries.  Social commentary isn't for everyone...

Everything they have released is part of my heart. Jason Wade's eyes make me want to stop seeing anything but they, and I care not that he's probably a homophobic Jesus-freak. His voice melts me in ways that no other has ever done.

*sigh*

Okay, so I'm doing this more for personal record than anything, but I want to list my goals for the up-coming year. Any comments are welcome, such as suggestions and the like, but mainly I imagine you lot won't really care much for my list =o)

Current through March 2009
Clear out my debts to Kevin & Fraser
Spend each day looking for better jobs

March 09 through August 2009
Save up at least $2000.00 so that I have £1000.00 to begin my adventures in England.

September 2009 through November 2009
Find a job in/around London
Find a flat with decent roommates

November 2009 and beyond
These goals are just general, and follow no particular order or time-line

Obtain legal status as a UK citizen
Fall in love and get married (May help with point one)
Find a career job and start a good savings plan
Save up enough to start my own hostel
Start a family (with the aforementioned husband ;o)

I think that about covers the major goals. £1000 isn't a lot to start on, but it's enough if I'm really frugal, and I'm expecting that it won't take that long to find a decent job. There are loads of hostels that are bound not to be too picky about an illegal alien worker. Well, I hope so at any rate. Maybe I'll just have to marry someone for convenience... Though I may try and see if my mate Cristian would hire me on in Romania, as he's starting up a printing company there. My mate Marius says he can get me a Romanian bloke easy who would marry me, so I'd be able to get that passport and stay there a couple of years and then migrate to England completely legally, so that's a very possible solution to the entire thing. Plus, I might have a hottie Romanian husband! ;o)

So I've just watched Alpha Dog and now I'm all fucked up. I hate being reminded of how shitty our world can really be... The idea of some poor lad being killed for $1200 and some bruised egos is beyond me. I'm not sure what it was like, whether the film really captured the truth of the matter, but the essence is there. This poor kid ... I can't even believe. And worse, his poor parents who have to survive him.

I'm upset now, and I hate that. I wish I could just be oblivious to these things... I need to sleep and now it's going to take a while before I can calm down enough to do that.

This song is right about one thing, though; love will keep us alive. We just need to find a way to spread love instead of hate. You hear that, you right-wing 'Christian' bastards? SPREAD THE LOVE! (That's the real 'gay agenda', mother-fuckers!)

O Creative Zen player,
How I loved thee.
I lost thee at the Wal-Mart,
And thou hast been found,
Though not by myself.
I cry for thee,
Because I cannot replace thee,
And so I cry.
You will be missed,
For all the great music I could hear,
And the files you stored for me,
That I will never see again.
I hope you bring such happiness,
To the new person in your life,
Though I also hope they are struck down,
By the fates for being thieves.
My love is unending,
My pain is great,
And until I can afford to replace ye,
I will die a little each day.

*sniff*

(Author's Note: I have every idea that this follows no traditional standard for poem or short or ode, even, but fuck sake, I just had to write something!  And to clarify - I lost my Zen at Wal-mart, apparently, and whoever found it did not turn it in. My CV is on there, so maybe the world won't suck too much and someone will phone me... Hell, my number is on the CV!  I can hope, because I can't afford the $160.00 it would cost to replace it.)

I got us in trouble by downloading the entire Harry Potter series online. Bloody arseholes reported me! They shut off our cable modem and we had to call to get it restarted. Next time, we have to go into the office to get it turned back on, and the time after that they won't turn it back on.

Considering all I've downloaded, a 9Mb file seemed like the least problematic. Most of the films I download are from trusted sites, and I thought this was... Grr.

I hate copyright protection. I think Jo has been paid well enough and I already own all of the bloody books, I just don't have them here!

Oh well.

I <3 Photoshop. A few new icons, but I had 43 on there from when I had the paid account, so it was sad losing some of the old ones... just four uploaded because I couldn't let go of the rest.

Bah. I have to sleep now. Bloody early shifts.

I had hoped my mate Cristian would send my harddrive to me so I could have all my bloody programmes and films and the like, but he's been suddenly absent from my life. *irk* So I'm breaking down and downloading at least Photoshop again. What I wouldn't give to have the entire Adobe suite and everything back.

At least it will allow me to get back to playing around with photos. I bloody love doing that. Plus, I want new icons. I need Doctor Who icons.

Speaking of Doctor Who - anyone watching it must be a bit upset that they're losing David, right? Bloody hell! I'm so upset! First they get rid of Catherine and now David's leaving? =o(

I really loved her in the series. She was really a brilliant companion. One of the best, certainly! Not only was she not in love with David (though I can understand why that'd be difficult... intelligent, sexy, glasses, spiky hair... Fuck sake, it's like a geek-fest!), but she was hilarious! I did love how much they gave her character the real good lines and let her really steal her own half of the show...

And I've seen the video interview of the new bloke, and he's younger than I am and geeky as well, but he's somehow not the same. Though honestly, I'll still watch and probably be fan-boying him in a year's time. You can call me hypocrite then and I won't be angry. I am a hypocrite. I believe at one stage I even dislike Dan Radcliffe - though honestly, before he grew up and got good-looking, there wasn't much to him that I liked. The lad isn't that great an actor! I still feel that, even having seen a few of his other films and clips from Equus and other plays. He's also no where near as sexy as Robert Pattinson. Mmm... Robbie...

I told you lot this was random, so you're not allowed to get upset.

I have to work at 9am tomorrow. WTF? I've been so used to working nights that it's going to be right difficult waking up for that. I don't even usually get to bed until about 6am! So tonight I have to try and get in bed at a 'decent' hour and get up on time... Or just be really bloody knackered all shagging day. Ugh. At least my boss won't be there, because she's a right cow to work with.

LOL I was looking at the Josh Groban site the other day, trying to find out whether I could see him on tour. I was in London about ten minutes across the park from the Royal Albert when he performed there, and I missed him. I had no idea he was there. I haven't properly fan-boyed in a long time! My entire time in London, I didn't do anything particularly fan-boyish. Hell, even the Muse concert I attended at Wembly was only due to Gabi's having already bought the tickets and a mate pulling out last-minute! That concert was well brilliant, though, and well worth the forty-five quid to attend!

Alright, well, that's it for now I suppose. Hopefully new icons later tonight if I'm lucky ;o)

Hmm, definitely want to be cremated, just like my father.  The idea of my body having all of its juices removed and turned into a 'preserved prune-like thing' to rot in the ground for a long time in a cement-lined coffin that does the environment way more harm than good just makes me want to cringe.

My ashes would be something to spread across the shores of Ireland or England, if possible.  Or kept on someone's mantel to tell stories about me... that'd be cool. LOL Not that anyone would want that.

Found this and thought it was rather cute and amusing =o)  It's not work-safe, because I think most workplaces would cringe even though there is no nudity...

Of late, I find myself wanting to just break down into tears at random points.  Sometimes, it really is due to things going on around me, but mostly it's just random.

I think I'm quite fed up with all the shite I've had to put up with in my life.  I suppose it would have eventually gotten to me, but I'm really fucking tired of it.

My left ear has been ringing for days... I have been thinking I might be getting some form of infection from this black mould thing at work, which would explain it if I am, but then part of me worries that it's not because my left eye has been semi-blurry for about three weeks, which is longer than I've had the job.

Yeah, so obviously if you know me, you know what I'm thinking - it's got to be something doing with the tumour.

And no, I don't want to know for sure.  I don't want to know anything doing about that fucking thing.  I really am to the point where I'm just ready for it to either be the fuck over one way or the other.  I know that's rough for you to read, because I know you lot care about me and all, but ... fuck sake, I just can't fucking deal with this anymore.  It never ends.

And laereth knows that I've always tried to keep a good face on things.  She's known me since I was, what, 13?  She's been there to see every fucking thing I've ever gone through... You know, I honestly think most people believe I make this shit up.  How could one not, really?  I listen to myself, in my head (or talking to myself in an English accent, because it makes me feel a little closer to my chosen home), and I wonder sometimes if I could really have gone through all of this and still be alive...

I've known people who talk about committing suicide, and I've had to seriously think about it.  My entire time in Edinburgh, during the infamous 'Josh went awol' incident, I was thinking about whether or not I should, could or would do it.  I ended up concluding that it wasn't something I was capable of, mostly because I've known people who've lost people that way, and I know how it affects people... Could I do it?  I think I could, if I really thought no one was left who gave a shit.  And you know, when I was first diagnosed, I didn't like it.  I was freaked out because everything was going well, and I was happy... the second time round, I of course wasn't ready for it because things at work were going well, I was loving life, etc...  And now, if it were to happen... Well, I wouldn't be so upset.

Fuck sake, I don't even know where I'm going with this post.  I'm just ... tired.  But I'm also tired of fucking saying that.  I don't even know who of you even read anymore, because I know that I'm a twat when it comes to reading yours, and I can't honestly expect you to read mine.  Fuck, I'm so self-fucking-possessed that it's sad.  I've lost the ability to see beyond my own fucking mind.

I'm supposed to go to NYC to see Mal, a mate of mine from London, before she heads back down south after schools out.  My mate Jesse, who I've actually known longer than laereth , but not actually been mates with during the whole time lives there as well.  I met him when I was in year four, so probably when I was 9...  He was in with the 'in' crowd and I was the geek with the southern accent that they all made fun of.  He wasn't ever so bad, and when I eventually met him again when we were 20, he was very cool and bi.  Now he's 'more straight than bi' and 30 and I've never really gotten to know him.  So I'm really putting a lot on that night, because I really need to have a fucking good time so I can remember why the fuck I keep trying to live.

My brother never sent my card to me... He's such a fucking wanker.  I'm really bleedin tired of him and the whole fucking thing.  My family... I can't ... I don't know how to handle it.  Fuck, that's just making it worse.  I'm going to bed before I drown myself in tears.

Watch this trailer and tell me that you don't cry.  I know I'll be tuned to Lifetime... (And please tell me at least one other of you cries so I don't feel like a complete baby...)

Born of a casual read of this article.

It's everywhere.  Even dolphins, penguins, giraffe, dogs, cats, sheep, goats, cows, monkeys, apes and whales have homosexuality, so why is it so contested?

Since the church believes God created all of these creatures, does that not mean that by condemning homosexuality as a sin and an abomination of God's will they are spitting in His divine and most holiest of holy face?

And how can one not believe that it is God's will to have homosexuality if we are to believe that God creates all creatures on earth?  Do we explain this with the 'devil'?  Good ole Satan's at it again with those homosexual dolphins!  That dirty scoundrel!

No, let's apply a little logic into a world without logic:

{God created dolphins} + {gay dolphins exist; proven throughout centuries of documented cases and study} = {God approves and creates homosexuality.}

Thus, it must also be true:

{God does not like murderers and people who speak lies in His name} + {people saying God condemns homosexuality and, in some cases commit murder of homosexuals in his name} = {a lot of mother fuckers going to hell.}

(In the words of a child:) Ooooooooooh!... YOU'RE IN TROUBLE!

Hey everyone.  I'm leaving this post public in the hopes you'll check it out.

My friend Fraser is a rising marketing genius, and I hope to help him out some.  Please take a few minutes to read about him and vote for him in this poll as it will really help him out.  You can take it from me that the jams ARE great!  My American mates will be glad to have it in the states once the deal closes, so vote for him now to help it come to be!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/article1150145.ece

Anyone willing to help him has my thanks!

I was recently in Books, Etc. with Brad (we were waiting for a film), and I came across the novel form by Patricia Highsmith.  My interest was piqued because I really loathed the film, and I wondered if, as usual, the book were better.  It was also 50% off, so why not?

CAUTION: SPOILERS!  Do not read if you wish to read the book or see the film.


I do highly recommend the book to everyone =o)

Once upon a time, there was this small world, the third in line around a young star.  Swirling about in its merry little journey, this world, seen from afar as a blue and green globe with white puffy clouds moving across its surface, was even younger, with a species of humanoids growing quickly, but whose brains just could not seem to keep up with the flow of time...
( A very personal rant. )

Wishing you all the best for Christmas and the coming New Year!